The last few days have felt off kilter. I love having the kids home from school. They are light hearted and easy to be around. Our evening meals taken out doors to the summer warmth before the bugs get busy. Sipping wine with stories and laughter ringing through the darkening skies. I miss our ritual of family dinners so intensely during the school year, the yearning physically constricts my chest. A tight and aching throb, quietly waiting for the first trickle of longing to open the flood gates wide, tears pouring forth, easing my heart with their wet and wild warmth. If I miss them all so much when they are gone, why do I want some time alone so intensely now? That time will come soon enough and I will have hours upon hours to do as I will. No laundry, no dinners to plan. No errands to run and dishes to wash. Why must these feelings buzz round me now like pesky mosquitoes searching for a crack to enter? Taking me out of the present moment, my present bliss of being mother and wife? Why do I look ahead to the autumn leaves with lust in my heart for the cool and lonely days? I have always been a loner. I have always been more than comfortable with myself, alone. In fact, this may be when I am most at home in my body, my spirit. Alone. The summer is slipping away. I will never have this time again. Time to chat with a young man who has yet to feel the heartbreak of young love. Time to listen to his dreams and plans as he is actually building them, scarcely knowledgeable of the power of words to command events and time. The next adventure eclipsing the last as moments jumble together to weave his experiences into the fabric of his young life. Time to talk about nothing with young women who may not be listening, and yet hear every word as if by telepathy, the secret communication reserved for mothers and children everywhere. The mystery of life flows on, wrought with paradox at every bend of the river. Stay in the present moment. Be grateful for these fleeting moments of joy . Brush the want of solitude away. Take these precious gifts of time and plant them firmly in the garden of your desires to bear their fruits in ways known only to the Divine. Trust in the mystery. Pray for Grace.