Kathleen Botsford

Auntie Em???

Does this look like Auntie Em to  you?  I know I may be prejudiced but this is definitely the face of Glenda the Good Witch as surely as I am the mother of this beautiful child.  Something seems to have gone amiss in the world of 'High School Musicals' in our neck of the woods.  Suffice to say, Victoria did not get the part she wanted.  She will play Auntie Em and be some sort of angelic voice which I do NOT remember from the movie....(maybe it's in the play or maybe they feel bad and are trying to make it up to her, hmmm?)

Victoria is not the only one in a tizzy.  The two seniors who did get cast as Glenda wanted Dorothy.  They are not happy campers either.  What is a mother to do?  I held her as she cried and cried.  I let her talk about quitting and refusing to be the Aunt of the FRESHMAN Dorothy.  I let her plot and plan to push said freshman off stage at the most apropos moment.  I let her vent and vent and vent.  And then I snuck in a tiny, very infinitesimal, little bitty word......'character'.....and stepped back, way back.

As I held my breath and braced for the indignant reproach we mothers of 16 year old girls are very familiar with, I was met with a surprising silence.  No explosion, no disdain, not even a rolled eye.  So I ventured a little further and reminded her of her brother and his challenges.  How he did not play football at the very same high school that 'seems' to be taking her talents for granted.  And how each Saturday, his former high school teammates sit in dismay as they tune in to see Stevie, bigger than life on national television, a member of  the Notre Dame football team. 

Disappointments are a part of life.  It seems even more heart wrenching when the one being disappointed is your child.  Always, always, we have more opportunities to learn and to grow in this wonderful school room we call 'Life'.....whether we want to or not.

Whew!  Victoria won't be giving up on Broadway just yet. 

The Big Easy Beckons

I have been spending a great deal of time pondering children and life lessons lately.  In particular, how my own unfinished business is quickly brought to view by the interactions and responses I find myself immersed in as my off-spring prepare to set sail into their brilliantly bright and unknown futures.   On one hand, I envy (just a smidge) their youth and the roads they have not yet taken.  Life is a giant adventure with new excitements around every corner.  New people to meet and experiences to savor.  New memories to create and stories to be lived.  Everything is fresh and bright.  On the other hand, this is a particularly challenging time to be starting out into business.  Any business. 

Alex is contemplating a huge adventure with a fair amount of risk involved.  She and a friend moved into a new apartment last weekend and she has started a new job.  Not the career of her dreams that dematerialized in a big puff of smoke right before graduation, but a job she is willing to give a shot.  Alex always works hard and does her very best when she commits to anything so it was with a certain amount of happy surprise I found out she was considering taking a short term job many states away in the entertainment field. 

I think this will be good for her.  To be out of Chicago and on her own, forging ahead in an exciting industry.  Exploring an elegant old city as far away from the Midwest as is possible in more ways than proximity alone.  New Orleans will open a different culture to Alex, a foreign way of life that will shake her out of her comfortable Midwest roots.  Alex will be forced to grow and evolve in a myriad of ways, some seen and some hidden away only to be discovered much later by the mature woman she will become in the future.  What doors may open?  Who may she cross paths with?  What new skills will she realize she possesses?  The possibilities are mesmerizing and endless.

My challenge here is to distance myself and what I think sounds like a fabulous opportunity and allow Alex the space to make her own decision.  This is her life, not mine.  She knows how I feel AND what she decides to do has nothing to do with me.  All is as it should be.  Stay tuned for future updates!

Ready or Not

Victoria returns from NYC tomorrow.  I am so excited to see her.  We have talked quite often and she has shared so many stories of her adventures and "misadventures" while in the Big Apple.  She has gone to concerts and figured out the subway.  She has taken the ferry and stood for hours and hours in an abandoned train station during a thunderstorm while waiting for the show to begin.  She has seen museums and stood in long lines trying to get tickets to the current Broadway hits.  And she has met lots of new and interesting friends from all walks of life and every corner of our country.   

Victoria will not be the same little 16 year old that we left three weeks ago.  Yes she has been homesick and yes she has missed her family, her dog and her own little bed.  But she has had the adventure of her young life  and her self confidence has grown in leaps and bounds.  I can hear it in her voice when she is laughing excitedly as she replays her schedule and the new anecdotes of the day.  I have missed my littlest one and I look forward to having her home again, if only for a moment or two.  Life is always, always moving on whether we are ready or not.  And I am again afforded more opportunities to love deeply and practice, practice, practice....letting go.

Practicing Presence

Victoria, my youngest, will be a junior in high school this autumn.  She spent many an hour filling  out admission papers, collecting letters of recommendation from teachers and drafting essays.  She sat on pins and needles for a month or so and was justly rewarded when she was accepted into the Summer Scholars Program at Columbia University in New York City.  Tori will be spending 31/2 weeks taking classes in Public Relations, Advertising and Marketing.  She will see lots of museums and art shows, attend flamboyant Broadway musicals and experience off-Broadway grit and drama.  She is very excited and will undoubtedly have the time of her young life while bringing back many colorful stories to share. 

While I am excited for her there is a part of me that is just a trifle melancholy.  Victoria will experience all of this without her siblings, her father or me.  Up until this point in her life, all of our "adventures" have been holidays shared by the whole or most of the family.  When Victoria returns from NYC, she will have an entire chapter of her life that none of us are a part of in any way.  She is beginning to break out of her chrysalis and her wings will not be far behind. 

My husband and I are accompanying Tori to the East Coast tomorrow morning.  We will spend a week visiting colleges from Boston to NYC.  We will spend a few days relaxing by the sea in Newport RI before we we move her into her dorm room at Columbia and say our goodbyes.  As always, these moments are bittersweet for me.  My family is changing and growing and leaving the nest.  This is as it should be.  While I am  happy and excited for each and everyone of their accomplishments,  I am also a bit sad as I continue to  say goodbye to their childhoods.  Those cozy warm memories will live on in my heart, side by side with this soft ache of grief as I practice staying ever present to the wonderful and fleeting moments at hand.  Presence and practice.  Practice and presence.  What more is there?

Happy Birthday Alexandra

It's a little yellow and faded from time and sun but here is the first official portrait of our little family.  Today is Alexandra's 22 birthday.  Twenty two years ago today, I became a mother for the first time.  We cut our teeth together.  Alex cut her first front one and I "began" to cut my wisdom teeth.  I would not be who I am today without my little sunshine.  My life has two definite chapters, before Alex and after Alex.  I don't think all women are meant to be mothers.  I didn't think I wanted to be one when I was younger.  In fact wanted to be Auntie Mame, but the Great Creator had other plans for me.  I became a mother 22 years ago and I have been living my destiny every day since.

 Thank you Alexandra Christiner Weiner for being my first born.  Thank you for being the special soul sent to baptize me into the sacred sacrament of Motherhood.  Thank you for being my daughter and breaking open my heart with the deepest joy and sorrows of motherhood.  Happy Birthday Sweetheart!  I love you forever.

Cup of Wonder

Sometimes I wonder what life would have been like in earlier centuries.  Would there have been more time to wander among forest and flower?   More time to laugh and celebrate simple moments with family and friends?  More time to spend in quiet contemplation?  The more conscious I become of my choices and the way I spend my time, the more I find this century to be my dream come true.

We spent the weekend in Chicago with an evening at The Ritz.  Dinner at a chic and trendy restaurant and theatre tickets to "Legally Blond" to celebrate Victoria's 16th birthday.   Before we left, we had our traditional Birthday Celebration at home.  Balloons and presents and cake and ice cream topped off Victoria's favorite dinner request.

These are the moments of my life.  The more I can stay centered in these moments,  the more I appreciate  each and every one.  Practice.  Practice.  Practice.

Sweet 16...Oh Dear!

Does this little face look like it's old enough to drive?  I don't think so!!!  But much to my chagrin, Victoria and I, accompanied by her big sister Alex, drove 40 minutes to the Drivers Facility to get her license before she went to school this morning.  While some say I will love my new found "time" and "freedom," (and I'm sure I will when I get used to it) I am feeling slightly sad and melancholy.  My littlest girl is on her own.  She can drive to school and home without me.   She can go to the mall by herself. (The small mall, close to our home.  I'm not ready for the big one just yet!)  She can even go tanning without parental involvement.  Oh dear!

Tori and I  celebrated our last drive home together with a little ritual yesterday.  While she is so excited to be driving and growing up, she is conscious of the loss of time we will share as our driving here and there and everywhere comes to an end.  "Mommy, I am worried about you.  What are you going to do with your life now?  You won't have me to center it around.  You will be bored!"  While she is not quite as grown up as she may think she is today (she forgot her social security card and "Mommy" had to drive back home to get it) she is definitely on her young way.

It's a time of excitement AND a time to say goodbye.  "Goodbye my little one.  May your roads be safe and your travels blessed.  I love you forever."

Trusting What Is

The other day my husband and I had a disagreement about how to handle an issue with one of our children.  He takes the aggressive, take no prisoners approach and I opt for the comforting earth mother way.  Seeing the good and pretty much over looking anything I don't want to deal with.  While I understand and embrace the need for these different styles of parenting and the balance they bring to the family in general, I am acutely aware of my own issues which are triggered in these interactions. 

I grew up with a loving but critical father.  I sought to please him at every opportunity and somehow never managed to get that done.  At least I never "felt" I accomplished the mission I had set for myself.  When similar situations arise withing our household, I immediately feel the pain of the criticism I felt as a child.  This has lessened over the years as I have become aware of this energy and I use these situations as a catalyst for my own spiritual healing.  But that  familiar twinge, no matter how small, seeps into the crevices of my soul, longing for relief, always seeking comfort.

While stepping back from the encounter a couple of days ago, I took a nice long bath with a cup of tea.   I had some time for contemplation and to gain a new perspective.  The thought occurred to me, "What if he is right?  What if they need the firm kick in the pants as much as they need a soft place to land?"  That very small little thought, however timely, eased my ache and brought me a fresh reminder of one of my favorite intentions to live by; "everything is always as it should be." 

Graduation!

My little graduate has been very slow with sharing her graduation photos and hence the delay in posting our graduation festivities until today.  Hey, she needs a break!  

I was not too sure what to expect from such a large University but they handled the entire day with the grace and beauty befitting such an auspicious occasion. 

Alexandra Christine Botsford
is a candidate for the degrees
of
Bachelor of Science in Business Management
(Kelley School of Business)
and

Bachelor of Science in Business Technology Mangement

(Kelley School of Business)
with a Sociology minor
at the one hundred and eightieth
COMMENCEMENT EXERCISES
Saturday, the ninth of May
in the year two thousand nine
at ten o'clock in the morning
at Assembly Hall
Indiana University Bloomington

 Our "little" one is about to fly the coup!  Whether she is off to the Peace Corps or her dream job, her life's adventure is taking a new twist and I can hardly wait to read the installments!  Her entire life lies ahead of her.  Risks and adventures, mistakes and accomplishments.  Everything is new and exciting.  I remember those days.  Waking up in the morning thinking, "I wonder what will happen to me today?"  I pray for only good things but I am enough of a realist to know there will be disappointments and heart breaks too.  But for right now, we are just having fun thinking about the future, reminiscing about the past and toasting our first college graduate.  She has always been the apple of our eye!

Spring Celebrations

My heart is full.  A weekend to celebrate with my family, everyone together again.  Alex graduates from Indiana University's Kelley School of Business on Saturday morning.  She has planned a special Baccalaureate Mass for those seniors interested on Friday evening with a spaghetti dinner at the church afterward.  Memories of my childhood coming up fast and furious.  Alex will be the first of my parents 17 grandchildren to graduate from college.  My parents would have been so proud.  I am so proud of her! 

Well, off to buy some graduation dresses to bring with us this afternoon.  Seems she didn't have time to find just the right one.    Perhaps I will have more luck!

Happy Mothers Day to all!