Kathleen Botsford

Certified Tree Hugger

Ok.  Here it is.  I am a huge @#$%ing  TREE HUGGER.  I am not apologizing for that.  I talk to trees and if the truth be told, they talk back to me.  I can honestly say, trees are some of my most constant and supportive friends.  Suffice it to say, the sound of a chainsaw stops my heart cold and sends me into an automatic panic attack.  I have a difficult time steadying my breath and calming my heart rate, I can barely swallow and my eyes immediately tear up.  I awoke this morning to that dreaded, horrible, life-killing sound. 

I immediately grabbed the phone and called the president of our village.  7am is not TOO early for a call from a hysterical woman, is it?  Good.  I didn't think so either.  We had spoken earlier this summer regarding my neighbors plan to chop down 3 fabulously huge and ancient Cottonwood trees.  Seems it upsets him (the neighbor) when the trees shed their cotton for a couple weeks in the spring.  It gets in his screens.  Actually, where the trees are situated, much more of the fluff accumulates in MY screens. 

Anyway, there is a bill on the docket to protect "Heritage" trees and these trees fall into that category.  It will be voted on next week but to stop the annihilation of said trees, the president issued a moratorium.  He was not happy when he received my phone call and he rushed right over to save said trees and comfort the hysterical woman (me).  The trees were trimmed much too extensively and may possibly die as a result, giving said neighbor his original intent anyway.

I have spent my day trying desperately to avoid wishing much bad luck on said neighbor and all of his descendants for generations to come.  It has been a struggle.  Victoria thinks we should plant lots of Cottonwoods on our property and maybe the fluff will get in his windows too.  There is always an opportunity to practice taking the higher road.  Sigh.  Somedays I just get so tired of that darn climb.

 

Do You Have the Patience to Wait?

 Some of my friends have contacted me worrying about my last post.  I did not mean to alarm anyone.  One of my theories of life is the endless parade of lessons we are so generously presented with on a daily basis to further our spiritual growth.  I know any one of my apparent "problems" is really a spiritual opportunity for me to evolve and grow as a human being and as a spiritual being.  Sometimes the lessons are very obvious and I have written about these before.  And often times they are much less obvious.  They require contemplation, prayer and brutal honesty.  The good thing is the only person I need to be brutally honest with is myself.  It's always about me and me alone.  Others may play a role in my little dramas but alas, they are only there to mirror back to me something I need to attend to in my own life, my own heart, my own soul. 

The Tao always seems to point me back in the right direction.  It is simple, elegant and uncomplicated.  Just like I want my life to be when I grow up.

Do you have the patience to wait
till your mud settles and the water is clear?
Can you remain unmoving
till the right action arises by itself?

The Master doesn't seek fulfillment.
Not seeking, not expecting,
she is present, and can welcome all things.

Holy Thursday

Holy Thursday.  The high liturgical weekend begins.  When the kids were little, we spent most of the weekend attending the various services at our Catholic Church and school.  We participated in Seders and the Stations of the Cross.  We recited the Rosary and washed and kissed the feet of our fellow parishioners.  We spent Good Friday afternoons in prayerful silence with holy music and incense.  All ceremonies leading up to the ultimate sacrifice and rebirth of Holy Easter and the Resurrection of The Christ.

The  Catholic Church has always known the intense power of sacred music, imagery and scents to open the heart and soul of it's followers.  The words of our holy books can sound dry and full of dust.  They tell the same story, year after year, century after century.  Since early in the Church's history, our fore bearers have enlisted the help and genius of the finest and most celebrated artists to enliven their  written words with images and music.  Images and song that reach deep into the innermost crevices of our beings to ignite the sacred spark of recognition and transformation.  Ancient rituals born of pagan practices.  The shared breaking of bread.  The drinking of Divine blood.  The chants and incense fill the very heart and soul of each participant with awe and wonder.  Grace and healing for all, no words or reading skills involved. 

This is the part of the Church I long for.  That profound and mystical connection with each and every fellow traveler, human and Divine.  No dogma or doctrine necessary.  Just pure and soul filled communion with the All and the One.  This communion is still possible each and everyday if I choose to see past the surface.  To look deeper into the Church to Her ancient roots and mystical beginnings.  To forgive Her human frailties and numerous (often tragic) mistakes.  Some days I choose this path and other days I don't.  As I contemplate my weekend, I pray I can move into this sacred space for my own healing and well being.  The Sacraments of the Church may be an ancient passageway into my deepest heart, my most needed and  profound healing.  The choice is, and always has been, mine.

Sacred Sex

I am the mother of three fabulous children, Alexandra freshly 21, Stephen 19 and Victoria 15. Alexandra studied last semester in Italy and before she left we had her first appointment with a gynecologist and received a prescription for birth control for hormonal difficulties. Scary thing indeed for this Mom! Since she has not had a steady boyfriend as of yet, this has not been an issue but she is growing up and things will be a changing! A few evenings ago, we girls had dinner with a friend of mine who both of the girls respect and look up to. As mothers know, sometimes our children take the advice of friends a bit more to heart than their parents who may be just a little too close during those confusing adolescent years. I have always encouraged my children to forge relationships with appropriate adults as I realize there may be things they do not wish to discuss with their father or myself and a trusted adult friend can fill that void with love and concern for their welfare also. The subject of sex arose and my friend rather flippantly seemed to condone casual sex with the physical act as an end in and of itself.  This is not what she intended but it is what my girls took away from the conversation. I was stunned by their conclusions to say the least.

I believe sex is indeed a Sacred act. It is the merging together of more than two bodies; it is the intermingling of two Souls. I believe you leave a part of your spirit with every person you have a intimate relationship with and a sexual relationship is intensely and immediately intimate whether it is acknowledged or not. Sex has the ability to destroy as well as to heal and should be entered into with full awareness of this sacred and ancient power.

I  grew up in an extremely religious home. While we were Roman Catholic and attended Catholic schools through high school, the command to wait until marriage for sex was inexplicably ingrained without so much as a conversation. It was as if it had been knitted into our very bones from the beginning of time. I married the first person I was to have sex with, as did most of my 6 siblings.   My early marriage lasted a few short years but I learned much about myself and how to listen to the guidance of my spirit through becoming one with my body. The answers are all there within. These are the lessons I try to pass on to my children but I also have to continually learn to let go of the results. They each have their individual soul journeys to navigate. Who am I to presume to know what is right for them? What lessons they came to earth this life time to learn? I can pray for them and hold them in sacred space as they learn to navigate the precarious turns and bumps they will encounter along the way. I can prepare them the best I can and then I must let go and let go and let go again. As much as it breaks my heart, they will be hurt and they will make mistakes. It is part of life. It was part of my life and it will continue to be so even as I grow more aware and hopefully wise with age.

In this precarious age we are called upon to become the change we wish to see. My mission as a parent is to forge a loving bond with my children that will give them the freedom, the space and confidence to grow into the full blessedness of their soul’s expression. I hope the innate need of all humans to be loved and accepted as a part of a group or community larger than themselves will be filled within our immediate family until they are of the age to fly from the nest with the maturity necessary to begin to make decisions and choices that will affect them for their entire lifetime. And I hope they will find the joy of love and the beauty of sacred sex as part of their journey as adults whether they choose to abstain or not. I hope they do not take these life choices lightly but I also pray they will find the lightness of heart and soulful connection that can be part of this wonderful expression of our life on this planet. While The Catholic Conflicts* that were once a large part of my shadow with much influence over my inner turmoil as well as my outward choices, ultimately served me in ways I was not to understand until the reflection and contemplation that comes with awareness and possibly age; I can look back and see their only purpose was to protect me  from making decisions I would regret if not at the time, then in later years.

I believe all life is a continuous circle, constantly spiraling deeper back into itself and then out again as each generation adds to the wisdom, joy and inevitable pain of our human journey to become aware of our Oneness with all creation in all directions of time and space. Sex is a magical part of that journey and when approached in this manner may be as close as some of us will come to experiencing the transcendence of the Divine in our human and ordinary daily lives.

In Memory

You, the one
From whom on different paths
All of us have come,

To whom on different paths
All of us are going,
Make strong in our hearts what unites us;

Build bridges across all that divides us;
United make us rejoice in our diversity,

At one in our witness to your peace,
A rainbow of your glory.  Amen.

Br. David Steindl-Rast, O.S.B.

This picture was taken by my daughter Alexandra, at the Florence American
Cemetery and Memorial outside of Florence Italy.