Getting Quiet

This is a letter I wrote to my oldest daughter when she was in a frantic "dilemma" about what to do in a situation.  I tried to comfort her but young women need to find their own path.  In hind sight, I realized I wrote this mainly to calm and comfort myself.  And it worked again today!  Funny how the advice we give is always the exact advice we need to take ourselves, isn't it?

Dear Za,

It is so hard to stay focused on what is an advantageous use of our energy.  I think especially as women, we tend to allow others to define our time constraints to a great deal.  We let others tell us what we “should” be doing.  Those “should s” just creep in at the most inopportune times.  You can never let your guard down.  If you do, someone will swoop in with a litany of things for you to do or places for you to go.  Join this book club.  Let’s go to lunch.  How about the Women’s church circle?  Don’t forget about volunteering for your local charity and heaven forbid you say no at school!  Even before you get to the “mature” point in your life where these kinds of demands are made on your time, you will notice it creeping in from your parents, friends, boyfriends, siblings and bosses.  We as woman are so geared to being “pleasers” in this society, it usually happens and we don’t even notice it until we are far down the path and have to make a concerted effort to regain our own voice and balance.

The easiest way to stay true to your own voice is to learn to listen to your body.  If you try to “hear” your own voice when there are numerous other “voices” shouting in your head for attention, it is very easy to get confused.  If you can quiet yourself, step back and feel what is going on “in” your body, you can decipher the different voices and come up with what will work for you.  When you immediately feel a dread or uncomfortable feeling in your stomach or chest area, this is generally your own body warning you not to proceed with whatever is up for discussion at the time.  Another easy rule to follow is “When in Doubt, Don’t!”  If you can get in the habit, at an early age, of asking your body for guidance, you will be far down the path to finding true fulfillment and your soul’s purpose in this lifetime.  We really do have all the answers we need inside of us.  The trick is learning to access them in a timely manner!

For example, one of my friends was talking about a workshop she planned to attend.  It sounded wonderful and I wanted to play and be included too! For a split second, one of my voices said, “That sounds like fun, I want to do that too!"  But my wiser self quickly brought me back to my focus.  The workshop was about horses, my friend’s passion.  My passion has nothing to do with horses!  I am frightened of horses.  They are sooo big!  See, even our own inner voices try to take our energy and fragment it into many different directions.  When this happens, we cannot stay creative and prolific in the areas that are most important to us because our energy is so scattered!  Maybe it is our ego talking, trying to get us to stay unfocused so we never reach the “greatness” that is our birth rite. 

Quieting our minds through meditation helps to calm the voices and to discern which one is which.  But meditation is something that we rarely make time for on a daily basis.   There is always time to close your eyes for a moment, take three or four deep breaths and ask for guidance.  No request is too small.   Remember, ask and then be quiet enough to listen.

Comments

[Jennifer Boire]

dear Kathleen
my daughter Caitlin and I were discussing this in the car just the other day; how a conversation on Oprah made her aware of this listening in - but she says, I am always afraid, paranoid almost, so how do I tell the difference from anxious fears and real fears? it morphed into a discussion on the good girl syndrome, and paying attention to body cues, discomfort. Our girls need so badly to talk about this stuff. Re menstrual woes, (and wonders) check out the Wild Genie website listed on my blog, for a wonderful book by same name, a new friend of mine I met on the net, from Australia, Alexandra Pope.
best
jenn