School has started for my youngest , Victoria. She is a sophomore in high school and today was not her best "first day of classes". She is taking 4 honors classes and a class before school starts. She then goes directly to tennis practice and doesn't return home until 7. That leaves dinner, showers and homework without a moment to spare for friends or relaxing. She had 4 books to read over the summer and a history paper due on the first day of class even though she doesn't take the history class until next semester. She forgot to hand in the paper as she struggled to get to each class on time which raised her anxiety level even further when she realized this upon her return home at 7 in the evening. That smile was not visible last evening. I pray it returns today as she gets a little more comfortable with her schedule.
Victoria is building a "resume" with hopes of getting into the college of her choice. Things are so competitive these days. Notre Dame declined over 400 valedictorians last year. USC reports that they can fill the entire freshman class with PERFECT ACT scores. Taking honors and AP courses are the only way to accumulate a GPA high enough to be considered for the top schools.
As a parent, I feel caught between a rock and a VERY hard spot. When the kids were younger it was up to me to keep their schedules free and open enough for the spontaneity of life. For the drives to the lake and a impromptu trip to the Dells. Sometimes an overnight in Chicago at a hotel with a pool was enough to keep them smiling for weeks. They were happy children, filled with love and laughter.
We will be taking Steve, our middle child, to school tomorrow. Notre Dame has an extensive orientation program planned for the parents as well as the students. If you read the previous post, you know Steve did not get into ND directly out of high school. When he was a freshman I advised him not to take the honors classes. I did not want him to put too much pressure on himself. He was starting high school which is so much different than the small grade school we had attended for 11 years. In my mind, troubles lurked behind every door waiting to ambush him. New friends I did not know. Peer pressure! He was also going out for football which required a HUGE time commitment I wanted him to have an easier transition into this important stage of his life without the additional pressure of honors classes. This may be one of the reasons he did not gain acceptance to ND initially. I was trying to protect him and do what I thought was right and it may have been totally wrong.
Alexandra, our oldest child is starting her senior year of college. As I mentioned in an earlier post, she is a bite confused and not sure of her direction any longer. One evening a few years ago we had some friends over for dinner. Alex spoke about her feelings about her life. She wished I had forced her to do more as a younger child. She wished I had been like the other moms that pushed their kids into every activity whether the child wanted to go or not. She thinks this may have given her more direction and she may have developed a passion, any passion.
These things weigh heavily on me now. I have a third child standing at the precipice. Where will life take her? Will the pressures of her world wipe that wondrous smile off her beautiful young face? My broken record begins again. Let go...Let go...Let go........
I feel for you and her. Life is a dream; how I wish it could be a sweet one.
Posted by: Karen Maezen Miller | August 19, 2008 at 06:12 PM
She is lovely! We do the very best that we can and then they must figure the rest out on their own. Like you, I never pushed anything on my girls, but each one seemed to find their own likes and dislikes. I am sure that your oldest is just feeling the pressure of another transition growing near. She will do great! Just remind her that she can and should try anything that catches her interest. It's up to her to search for and discover her own passion. Ultimately, isn't it better for us to discover the "passion" for ourselves, in or own time?
Hugs and love,
Debbie
Posted by: Debbie W | August 21, 2008 at 05:44 PM
the regrets are pointless for both sides--parent and child. I felt like your daughter for so long--no one mentored me or encouraged me and I got married at 17 and had children and didn't start college til I was 29. But I also started a really successful magazine for women when I was 50, so maybe my path was harder and more circuitous than it would have been if my mother had pushed me and paved my way, but maybe I wouldn't have achieved what I have either. More and more I feel that our individual paths are so mysterious and unique that there is no predicting where they will lead us.
Posted by: nikki | August 22, 2008 at 09:22 AM