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September 30, 2008


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Long live the imperfect mother. Long live the imperfect daughter. This rejection is such a painful yet necessary part of the metamorphosis. It comes all along in little pinches and prods, and then the ultimate killing blow from which you come to know everlasting love and peace.

Bless you.

Oh, I understand. My daughter is 24 now and I remember moments like these. But now, as a nurse in the cardiac wing of a great hospital, she looks back and says what a wonderful childhood she had. Like you, we taught her to be strong and speak her mind. To be creative. Chase her dreams. I am sorry your daughter was so hard on you. I don't think she meant it all. I could go on but you will see! Roxanne

My friend Kathy.... I know this happened to my mom as well, not the same way of course, but a day that came when it crashed upon her that things may not have been what they seemed.

Have you talked to Alexandra about it? I'm sure she may be feeling some similar things as well. You will be stronger from this. She will be stronger from this. It's good to get it out, but difficult to hear something that may've never occurred to you.

You are a great mom, please don't forget that. In my 20's I could've been so much nicer to my mom...I was a snot at times. Even when I moved back in with her to care for her when she was sick, I would come home from work and not want to talk. All my mom did was want to learn more about her daughter, the good and the bad. I wish I had those times back with me so I could demand a "do over" .... truth is, we really don't get many opportunities for do over's do we.

I am who I am ... the good, the bad, maybe the ugly... all because of my wonderful, beautiful, intelligent, amazing best friend...my mom...who I miss so dearly for almost 7 years now.

It is all good - you and Alexandra will be closer from this experience.

It sounds as thought you really have a handle on how to appreciate and relate to your children in a way that is a true friendship. That is exceedingly wonderful, although, perhaps, difficult.

Oh friend, we do the best that we can and the rest is left up to them. I sometimes think that this is part of the independence process for our children. We love them even when they realize that not everything we did was perfect.

Big hugs,

Oh,my goodness. I wandered over here from Debra's Angels blog and discovered this. What a blessing to read something so honest and real - something that makes all mothers feel less alone. Thank you.

I went through this with my youngest daughter...sometimes the bond is so close, the child has to violently sever it in order to become independent. And it has to happen in order to move into that other relationship waiting for the two of you in years ahead. Which believe me is even better!

This is such a beautiful and authentic post. But how in the world did you validate her memories without judging? My daughter is only 15 and she hasn't yet . . . challenged me? How do you prepare for it? Good lord I'm not ready.

Dear Kathy, thank you for sharing such honest and raw emotions with all of us. I don't usually read posts that are very long, just too lazy I guess, but yours drew me in and wouldn't let go. Those sorts of emotional encounters bring up so much, don't they? Your stuff, your daughter's stuff, your stuff with your own mother... and yet I know, without even having met you, you did the very best you could as a mom, with the tools you had at the time. Don't beat yourself up... you deserve the same sort of nonjudgemental forgiveness and understanding you gave your daughter. This too shall pass and all will be right with your world, it will just be different. You are a really special lady.

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