Apologize

As usually happens when I open my big mouth and make any sort of proclamation as in my post yesterday, I get slapped up side the head with opportunities to fall very short of my goals.  Last evening at dinner was a whopper.  I was quietly minding my own business when a "teaching moment" suddenly popped up.  The "Mom" in me suddenly appeared spewing erroneous statements and causing havoc with illusions of impending doom lurking in the shadows waiting to ambush any unsuspecting teen who momentarily makes a "bad choice".  Dire  warnings of ruined lives spilled into the evening frivolity like a giant wet rag and all participants returned to their corners to lick their wounds.  Suffice it to say, alcohol and driving were a large part of the perceived armageddon.  What's a mother to do?  Apologize and let it go.  Hopefully live and learn.  But most importantly, sincerely ask said innocent teenagers for forgiveness.  I hope they get up soon.  This guilt is killing me.

Comments

[~~Kath~~]

I found your journal through alphainventions - and I've been reading for half an hour! I'm enjoying reading about your children, them leaving the nest, etc. My youngest just turned 18, and I was telling my husband "I can't believe we are the parents of all adult children!" It's a good thing we have the grandchildren/d-i-l living here on and off while our son is serving in Afghanistan - they are keeping us young. I'll be back to visit soon. ~~K~~

[Serena]

I find it extremely admirable that you're aware of your issues and actively working on them. You're already way ahead of the game. It's so important to give yourself the credit you deserve and be gentle with yourself when it seems you've "failed." I'm constantly having to remind myself of this. I don't know about you, but I'm a perfectionist and I expect instant results (of course this screws me up every time). Anyway, sometimes we need to speak up. From what I gather, you were certainly speaking from a loving, concerned mother point of view. But you're to be commended for your immediate awareness of getting off your intended track. Don't waste time in guilt tripping. Forgive yourself, accept your humanity and move forward again. And keep doing so every time you veer off path.

[Lisa]

It's so hard to keep our mouths shut when it involves our kids and safety; even if indirectly. I'm sure they'll forgive you. :)

[red tin heart]

Kathleen, I so understand this post. I struggle with the same thing. Me opening my mouth when I shouldn't.
I just want to help my kids at times, but I have to learn when not to help. Sometimes our help hurts. I have learned that just this past week.

Great post..I am happy to have meet you through this experience.

xoxo Nita

[Mona]

It's ok. They are loved and they know this. Forgive yourself. The only thing you did WRONG was worry too much...and that is part of being a mom. It never hurts to say you are sorry you came on so strong. I raised seven and they are all grown and the grandchildren are nearly ALL grown up...and...I still worry. Just...maybe..you saved a life. Be kind to yourself. You meant no harm..and that is the important part.
Hugs,
Mona

[Mayberry Magpie]

Well, this post made me laugh out loud (which is good, really!) because it so could have been me. There's no wetter blanket in my house than me. Saving our children from themselves -- isn't that our purpose in life? Learning when to speak and when to give them a little space is so hard -- especially with topics like drinking and driving and sex (my personal favorite!). Hey, my daughter is about to drive, so I can worry about drinking and driving and sex all within the confines of her vehicle.

I'm being silly, but your post was honest and courageous. And someday your children will understand how hard you tried to find the proper parental balance and how deeply you cared for them and how honestly you sought to examine your instincts and tendencies. And they will love you all the more for it. (Or at least that's what I keep telling myself. It's the "She wasn't perfect but man did she work at it" theory.")

[Deirdra Doan]

wow how transparent and moving....teenage time is a challenge...bless you. Your journal pages are amazing! I love the little pink peace one and the snow photo.

[Karen]

You've got it, Kathleen. There never needs to be a reason to say you're sorry. Just say it. Reason is the reason we don't.