Kathleen Botsford

Fresh and New

Sigh.  Life is getting back into it's ordinary routine.  I am definitely not complaining.  Lots of emotional and physical ups and downs since Good Friday have left me content with a little mundane tedium.  Lots of time feeling under the weather has left me ready to hit the treadmill and maybe tackle a weight or two.  Last weekend, while filled with joy and happiness, was quite a strain on my energy reserves while dealing with the flu.  While we were in South Bend I was as high as a kite.  The next couple of days were a compilation of an emotional roller coaster run amok and the last vestiges of a long bout of flu holding on for dear life. 

I took yesterday a bit easy and found my way back into my studio after almost three weeks.  Paint and paper, glue and crayons.  Funny, it's the simplest of life's bounty that bring me REAL pleasure.  Family.  Friends.  Nature.  Making anything.  Reading.  And of course, Music.  Sometimes a forced respite from these joys is all it takes to bring them back into focus with extraordinary clarity.  That's how I feel today.  Fresh and new.  Reborn.  Wishing you all a beautiful Spring day wherever you find yourself!

A Big Day, a REALLY Big Day!

         What a day! As my husband's email he sent to our friends and family was entitled. "A Big Day, a REALLY Big Day"! Our "little" boy was playing football for the Fighting Irish in Notre Dame Stadium.  As you can see, our "little" boy isn't quite so "little" any longer. He is a wonderful young man and a blessing to all who are lucky enough to share their lives with him. His mom included.

When Stevie ran out onto the field last Saturday I was speechless.  Maybe not tearless, but definitely speechless.  All I could do was sit in the stands and watch as my son lined up with the Fighting Irish football players to warm up for the annual Blue Gold Spring Football Game. How many years have we been watching this team, this school and these young men?  My husband went to his first game in 1967. Growing up in a Catholic household, I don't remember ever NOT being a ND fan. It was definitely my 5 younger brothers dream, to attend ND. To play football for the Irish would have been just that much more icing on the cake. That dream sneaked into Stevie's young life when he was 4 or 5 and Saturday was the proof that dreams do come true with lots of dedication and hard work.

The only word I can think of to accurately describe the day is "surreal".  We seemed to be in some kind of magical, suspended reality and I did not want it to end.  I carefully memorized every detail and burned them into my memory bank to be played back at many later dates.  When Stevie ran into position on the field he suddenly turned toward us and raised his arm in a celebratory salute, pointing at his family and friends as we cheered madly from the bleachers.  That moment was caught on camera and is in the batch of photos I posted yesterday.  When he ran back to the sidelines before the kick-off, Stevie took off his helmet, turned and gave us all a double thumbs up with the most brilliant smile racing across his elated face.  I did not get that on camera but it is safely etched into my heart for now and always.  When the team got off the bus to return to the locker room, Stevie stopped to greet us and take a quick picture or two. He even signed a couple of footballs and autographs for the next bunch of little boys dreaming about playing for the Irish someday.  Looking around with a sheepish grin on his face he realized he was the only player out there and had better get into the locker room, quick!

As the day came to an end I sat with the knowledge that our son will grow bigger yet and grow older still. He will get his heart broken again and he will realize more long held dreams.  Lots of life will happen to him and around him. He will find pain but he will experience much joy.  I pray  he will always be the happy -go- lucky, big hearted, compassionate and loving young man he is right this very minute.  We are so very proud of him.

It was a Big day, a REALLY Big day!

Dreams Come True!

  This past weekend was the annual Blue Gold Game at Notre Dame University.  We were so very proud of our #63.  These photos will have to suffice for another day.  I am still too emotional to write about it. 

Holy Thursday

Holy Thursday.  The high liturgical weekend begins.  When the kids were little, we spent most of the weekend attending the various services at our Catholic Church and school.  We participated in Seders and the Stations of the Cross.  We recited the Rosary and washed and kissed the feet of our fellow parishioners.  We spent Good Friday afternoons in prayerful silence with holy music and incense.  All ceremonies leading up to the ultimate sacrifice and rebirth of Holy Easter and the Resurrection of The Christ.

The  Catholic Church has always known the intense power of sacred music, imagery and scents to open the heart and soul of it's followers.  The words of our holy books can sound dry and full of dust.  They tell the same story, year after year, century after century.  Since early in the Church's history, our fore bearers have enlisted the help and genius of the finest and most celebrated artists to enliven their  written words with images and music.  Images and song that reach deep into the innermost crevices of our beings to ignite the sacred spark of recognition and transformation.  Ancient rituals born of pagan practices.  The shared breaking of bread.  The drinking of Divine blood.  The chants and incense fill the very heart and soul of each participant with awe and wonder.  Grace and healing for all, no words or reading skills involved. 

This is the part of the Church I long for.  That profound and mystical connection with each and every fellow traveler, human and Divine.  No dogma or doctrine necessary.  Just pure and soul filled communion with the All and the One.  This communion is still possible each and everyday if I choose to see past the surface.  To look deeper into the Church to Her ancient roots and mystical beginnings.  To forgive Her human frailties and numerous (often tragic) mistakes.  Some days I choose this path and other days I don't.  As I contemplate my weekend, I pray I can move into this sacred space for my own healing and well being.  The Sacraments of the Church may be an ancient passageway into my deepest heart, my most needed and  profound healing.  The choice is, and always has been, mine.

Little Princess

Another day frittered away.  But this day was different.  It was done on purpose.  I decided to do nothing all day.  No errands.  No treadmill.  No laundry.  No driving.  No cooking.  No work on the numerous projects sitting on my desk.  No homework for the conference I am attending in two weeks.  I had these luxuries because my husband is in Fargo ND helping his sister and my almost 16 year old daughter is always up for whatever mood I am in as long as she has a friend to play with.  (They tie-died.  Or least planned to.)

 I collaged an envelope for a set of postcards I was mailing to a friend.  I watched old black and white movies.  I watched a "new" one by David Mamet (I love him) that I had never heard of.   Something and Main.  Very entertaining.  I walked around aimlessly.  I opened a bottle of wine and threw it down the drain when I didn't like it.  I opened another.   I took a pile of books to bed with me.  Early.  

Today I feel refreshed and ready to go.  I have a schedule to follow but I am not going to bemoan my two days of "non- accomplishments".   As I drive Victoria to and from school (4 trips @ 20 miles each) for the Easter Party the student council is hosting for the neighborhood kiddies, I will not wistfully think about the two days I "frittered" away and the projects that could have been finished or at least worked on.  As we find some place to spend an hour before driving 20 miles in the opposite direction for her tutoring lesson, I will not regret one moment of yesterday's magical lazy aura and the wonderful way it made me feel to be able to afford an entire day of doing nothing.  Just like the little princess I always wanted to be when I was a little girl.   

Slip Sliding Away

When I was on Spring Break in Southern California, I found creative inspiration everywhere.  Now that I am home and have caught up with my "after" trip stuff, I am walking around with not an ounce of creative energy in sight.  I know our artistic impulses are like the tides, they ebb and flow.  I was having a hard time staying in the moment in CA because I wanted to return home to my studio to "make stuff".  Inspiration was jumping out of every nook and cranny.  The ideas were coming at me so swiftly, I carried a notebook to record them before they slipped away.  I have read and heard of this phenomenon, but had never experienced it to this extent before.  And now that I am home, nothing seems to want to be made!   I have dithered away an entire afternoon and it is time to start chauffeuring.  I am sure a creative impulse will be right around the corner.  I hope I can talk it into hanging around until I am back in my studio again.

P.S.  I made this collage BEFORE all of my CA inspiration.   And just to let you know, I dd NOT receive any down loads while chauffeuring.   I guess I will sit quietly and wait.