Kathleen Botsford

Living Legacies

 

I was at spin class today for the first time in over a week.  I have had lots of fun company keeping me from my rigorous summer workout schedule.   A favorite cousin of mine whom I haven't seen in over 35 years came down from Michigan for the weekend.  It seemed like we had just awakened from our summer sleep over of 38 years ago,  all groggy and eager for shared secrets, gossip and companionship.  Not a moment had passed in all of those years of non-communication.  Not one moment.  It was lovely and soul-filled on so many levels.  We've made plans to meet this winter too.

When I returned from taking her to the airport Monday, two of my aunts were waiting for me in the kitchen.  I really love it when my aunts can come for a visit.  Lots of girl talk and laughing, good food and plenty of cocktails.  My mother died 10 years ago and this special time with her sisters feels like I have a part of my mom back with me.  I hear lots of stories I never knew before.  Some good stories and some showing my mother's less than shining side.  The side most of us like to hide from our children.  Those are the stories that are the most endearing to me.  I relish hearing about her "bitchiness"  and the unkind tricks she pulled as a kid.  It makes her human.  And that much more "real" to know she had her shadows just like the rest of us.

When I picked up my cousin at the airport, it was the image of her mother that greeted me.  She too, remarked on the moment she saw me in the car and recognized "Aunt Ann" immediately.  We are living legacies to our mothers.   While we have become our own women, we owe more than we can even imagine to our mothers.  And to our grandmothers, our aunts and our cousins.  To all of the women in our long line of ancestors and those yet to come.  In all directions of time.  It is the dance of love, the circle of life.  Now and forever, Amen.

Blessed Time

As summer winds down and the beginning- of -school frenzy looms, I am taking stock of our lives, together  as a family and each on our own.  As a family we have had lots of fun visiting with friends and family at graduation parties and get- togethers.  We have seen a few plays and most of the new movies that have been released.  We have watched the new season begin on HBO and had lots and lots of family dinners.  And we have worked out.  We have lifted and spun, pilates-ed and yoga-ed.  The boys have done much more in preparation for football but we girls stayed right there with them, on our own schedule, at our own level.  It's funny how something as simple as exercise can bring a new level of shared purpose to a family.  More memories and of course, many more family jokes.

Alexandra has moved into her own apartment AND accepted a job in New Orleans as production assistant on a new movie.  She is busy closing sales with her present employer and spending much time with friends at lots of Chicago Cubs games.  She is practicing letting life take her along with its flow.  Alex likes things to be very much in order.  HER order so to speak.   These are great lessons she is experimenting with.  Letting go of control, the flow of the Universe, etc. etc.  If we all could have learned these lessons a little earlier.  Sigh.

Stevie has eagerly embraced an intense work out program and pushed his young body to new personal bests in many categories.  He has increased his strength and his speed while also developing new levels of agility and prowess.  As always, he sets a goal for himself and works diligently until he has met it.  He is excited about getting back to campus this week and beginning working out with the team.  His first football game is in a few weeks and we are all looking forward to another football season at Notre Dame.  Our very first one with a player on the team!

Victoria had the time of her life in NYC at Columbia University.  If I would have known the lack of chaperoning involved, I would not have encouraged her participation.  Suffice to say, she had a blast AND I am glad I was in the dark until much too late to worry or change plans.  I had originally remarked on the kids from all over our country attending the school.  I was wrong.  Half of the program consistented of young adults from all over the world.  One of Tori's new BF is from Hong Kong and goes to school in London.  Lots of new experiences and interesting people have entered her young life and I only forsee mind and heart expanding results from both as she opens to foreign cultures, countries and spiritual persuasions.

For my part, I have had the opportunity to re-institute one of my old and valued practices of saying "No".  While much of the "Nos" may seem to be about what I want to do and the things I want to accomplish, such as working in my studio, reading new books and writing essays for my blog, I was really saying "no" to time spent away from my first priority, my family.  At the beginning of the summer I chose to spend my time with my family.  No looking for stolen moments to run away to my studio, no yearning for an empty afternoon to curl up with a intriguing book.  If it happened naturally within the flow of our home, then I embraced it with all of my heart.  If not, it was ok by me.  I am amazed at how much calmer and balanced I felt the entire summer.  I was just as content doing laundry as shopping for dinner ingredients.  And all it took was a little "tweak" in my own little head.  I was quite good at this game when the kids were young.  It was refreshing to see my skills had not forsaken me, I had only forgot to bring them out of the closet and dust them off.

I will have plenty of time this autumn to spend in my studio.  Plenty of time to sit in quiet solitude.  Plenty of time to read.  Plenty of time to ponder and muse.  This summer has all but slipped away.  But I am full and content.  Full of family memories, ripe and rich with laughter.  Content with the ordinary magic of living one moment, one hour, one day at a time.  Blessed time.

The Big Easy Beckons

I have been spending a great deal of time pondering children and life lessons lately.  In particular, how my own unfinished business is quickly brought to view by the interactions and responses I find myself immersed in as my off-spring prepare to set sail into their brilliantly bright and unknown futures.   On one hand, I envy (just a smidge) their youth and the roads they have not yet taken.  Life is a giant adventure with new excitements around every corner.  New people to meet and experiences to savor.  New memories to create and stories to be lived.  Everything is fresh and bright.  On the other hand, this is a particularly challenging time to be starting out into business.  Any business. 

Alex is contemplating a huge adventure with a fair amount of risk involved.  She and a friend moved into a new apartment last weekend and she has started a new job.  Not the career of her dreams that dematerialized in a big puff of smoke right before graduation, but a job she is willing to give a shot.  Alex always works hard and does her very best when she commits to anything so it was with a certain amount of happy surprise I found out she was considering taking a short term job many states away in the entertainment field. 

I think this will be good for her.  To be out of Chicago and on her own, forging ahead in an exciting industry.  Exploring an elegant old city as far away from the Midwest as is possible in more ways than proximity alone.  New Orleans will open a different culture to Alex, a foreign way of life that will shake her out of her comfortable Midwest roots.  Alex will be forced to grow and evolve in a myriad of ways, some seen and some hidden away only to be discovered much later by the mature woman she will become in the future.  What doors may open?  Who may she cross paths with?  What new skills will she realize she possesses?  The possibilities are mesmerizing and endless.

My challenge here is to distance myself and what I think sounds like a fabulous opportunity and allow Alex the space to make her own decision.  This is her life, not mine.  She knows how I feel AND what she decides to do has nothing to do with me.  All is as it should be.  Stay tuned for future updates!

Ready or Not

Victoria returns from NYC tomorrow.  I am so excited to see her.  We have talked quite often and she has shared so many stories of her adventures and "misadventures" while in the Big Apple.  She has gone to concerts and figured out the subway.  She has taken the ferry and stood for hours and hours in an abandoned train station during a thunderstorm while waiting for the show to begin.  She has seen museums and stood in long lines trying to get tickets to the current Broadway hits.  And she has met lots of new and interesting friends from all walks of life and every corner of our country.   

Victoria will not be the same little 16 year old that we left three weeks ago.  Yes she has been homesick and yes she has missed her family, her dog and her own little bed.  But she has had the adventure of her young life  and her self confidence has grown in leaps and bounds.  I can hear it in her voice when she is laughing excitedly as she replays her schedule and the new anecdotes of the day.  I have missed my littlest one and I look forward to having her home again, if only for a moment or two.  Life is always, always moving on whether we are ready or not.  And I am again afforded more opportunities to love deeply and practice, practice, practice....letting go.