Kathleen Botsford

A Mother's Prayer

Tragedy has struck the Notre Dame family.  With a heavy heart and swollen eyes I am praying for the family of Declan Sullivan.  Declan was a junior at ND.  He lived in one of our nearby villages and went to our rival high school.  He was video taping football practice Wednesday afternoon when the camera tower he was standing on fell over.

My heart breaks for his mother.  My heart breaks for his entire family.  I want to pull my children close and hold on tighter than ever.  I'm thinking my #63 isn't in a cuddling mood.  His sadness will soon be covered over by male bravado.  He has a job to do to, just as Declan did.  We can't protect them.  We can only love them, let them go and pray.  I'm praying and crying my eyes out tonight.  For Declan.  For his parents and family.  For my children.  And last but not least, for myself. 

Dear God, hear the plea of this humble mother.

I beg of You to spare me from the grief and despair

of losing a child.

Please have mercy on the courageous mothers

who are called to walk that treacherous path.

Keep them in Your divine love and grace,

now and forever.  Amen

Pour Yourself Like a Fountain

 

 

Life keeps marching along.  The days tumble over each other as they giddily rush into weeks with months following along lickety-split.  Its almost the holidays.  Again.  Remember when we were younger and the days before each holiday loomed unbearably long?  For most of us, those feelings are relics of a long ago past.  Now each day is valued and honored for the 24 miraculous hours they contain.  Each day, skittering away just a little too quickly as scattered stacks of  "to-do" lists bear witness to our precious priorities and intentions like the fleeting ephemera found in an abandoned old dwelling.  Lists with clues large and small on how we spend our days, our hours, our years. 

I know I need lists to remember even the smallest errand or phone call.  But I also try to remember to keep my lists as short as possible.  You never know when the folly of serendipity might cast an enchanted eye in my direction.  Those moments are like a fairies gossamer wings or a hummingbirds nimble flight; so soft and fleeting you haven't a chance to blink an eye.  To catch a few of these moments are a precious blessing and I don't want needless details to clutter my head and derail my ability to be open and present to the moment at hand.  And as always, I have lots of oppotunities to put this into practice.  Everytime I miss one, another pops up!

Pour youself like a fountain.

Flow into the knowledge

that what you are seeking

finishes often at the start,

and with ending, begins.

Rainer Maria Rilke

You Can't Always Get What You Want

Memories.  Isn't it interesting that the same one can bring about totally opposite emotions in different people?  I was having lunch with my eldest daughter Alex this afternoon after we finished our work out.  We were chatting quite amiably when one of my favorite songs came on.   "I love this song"! I exclaimed as I began singing along.  "I hate this song" she replied.  "Don't you remember how I would sing this to you when you were little?"  "Yes I do.  That's why I hate it.  It's like nails on a chalkboard to me!" 

My, my, my.  Isn't life funny?  I wonder how the other two feel about "the song"?  It doesn't matter though.  It is still one of my favorites AND one of my favorite memories.  Me and the Stones serenading my children.

"You can't always get what you want.  You can't always get what you want.  You can't always get what you want......But if you try sometimes, you just might find......you get what you neeeed!"  Oh Yeah!

The Stones and a warm October afternoon.  The top's down on my car.  And I'm singing along as loud as I can.  It doesn't get any better than that!

Autumn Sojourn

The days are growing shorter and there is a definite chill in the air.  These last few moments of autumn are always my most melancholy as I try to will the leaves to stay just a few more days, a few more hours.  Sitting outside in the late afternoon, trying to soak up each last little bit of a glorious fall day before venturing inside to prepare dinner.  How many more afternoons do we have before the snow begins to fall?  Nature is as always, our surest teacher of all things worth learning.  How would we learn to appreciate the magic of each season if there was not an end in sight?  Would we become complacent and lackadaisical?  I wonder.  Staying present to the moment at hand is never more poignant for me than in the month of October.  A perfect time to stop and and take a deep breath of the earthy fragrance of decaying  leaves as the cool temperatures send us searching for a a jacket and gloves to warm our autumn sojourn.

It's a Wonderful Life

I have found the perfect antidote for an "almost" empty nester mother's tears ~ a 17 year old teenage daughter!  Last evening I made a perfectly scrumptious healthy dinner for my daughter and myself (my husband was out of town on business).  I lit the candles, set the table and preceded to "try" and make some innocent conversation.  I know you moms of teenage girls understand the rolling eyes, sighs, and over all disgruntled aura that can accompany this hormonal age.  And heaven help you if you ask them a question!!!  As my post from a few days ago explained, I know I too used the same behavior with my own mother.  (Once again, Mom, I apologize!)  But that was all it took last night to stop my sniffles and turn my thoughts to traveling peaceably through the gorgeous countryside of Italy with not a teenager in sight!

I drifted off to sleep with the gentle hills of Tuscany rolling through my dreams.  It IS a wonderful life and all these varied emotions bring that much more flavor to the precious present, however it should show up at any given moment.  And as usual, more opportunities for practice present themselves faster than I can let them go. 

All is Well

I have been feeling a bit weepy lately.  Usually I don't mind the melancholy and tears that accompany being a menopausal woman in this day and age but in the fall, it always makes me a little crazy.  My absolute favorite season is fall and it is way to short and fleeting to spend any time mopping about the house and crying.  The crisp air and bursting colors beckon to me like a childish conspirator, waiting impatiently for me to join in the afternoon games.  But none the less, the tears cannot be kept at bay.

I was watching Oprah this morning.  She interviewed J.K. Rowling, the author of the fabulous Harry Potter phenomena.  While both of these prominent and powerful BILLIONAIRES chatted about the emotions involved with leaving their empires behind, (Oprah-her show, J.K.-the last Harry Potter book and movie) I suddenly realized I too, in my own small way, was leaving my own life's work behind.  I know I have written about and lamented these issues many times on this blog but it really struck me this morning, watching two of the most prolific women of our time, how similar our journeys really are.  They have both  spent the last twenty or so years engrossed in celebrating and and bringing their gifts to their audience.  As a mother, that is exactly what I have been doing for the last 24 years.  Oprah is taking an entire year to transition to her next endeavor, the next phase of her life.  Maybe I can practice being a little more gentle with myself as these persistent feelings and tears continue to pop up, even if the moment may seem inopportune.  Maybe I need more time to grieve these changing times than I think I do.  And maybe, just maybe, that's ok too. 

I usually get a great deal of comfort from the quote "And this too, shall pass" but lately that is the very thing I don't want to think about.  So my new favorite saying is taken from J.K.'s interview this morning.

All is well.  And that includes the tears and tissues.