Kathleen Botsford

Just Let it Be

So.  I was reading a friends blog post about her teenage daughters.  It can be hard being a mom of teenage girls.  I can vaguely remember my own teen years and the many eyes I rolled at my own mother.  And the dismissive way I talked to her.  And the way I interrupted her because I for sure knew more than she did and what could she possibly add to the conversation?  I like to think I was a good daughter and I did and still love my mother tremendously.  But I acted like an obnoxious brat.  I'm sorry Mom.

Paul Ferrini is one of my favorite authors.  His books are always good for cutting right to the point.  I practice letting go of expectations on a daily basis.  Some days I do better than others.  Here are a couple of quotes from a chapter on Dropping Expectations;

If we want to embrace life as it is, we need to let our expectations go and deal as gracefully as we can with the reality at hand.  That means that we are going to have to make constant mental adjustments each day, each week and each year that we live.

Life is a dance between what you expect and what happens.

Today accept each event, circumstance and interaction with other people just the way it unfolds.  Don't make it good or bad, right or wrong.  Just be neutral.  Just let it be.

My mom was really good at that.  I sure get lots of opportunities to practice.  My daughters will too.  It's the circle of life, again and again.

The Gift of Saturday Rain

Autumn always brings out the "nesting" desire in me.  I want to putter around my home and rearrange things as I reacquaint myself with each special object and memory.  The weekend has dawned dark and dreary, a perfect day to light candles and brew an extra cup of tea.  I admit to being a bit odd, but a dark and rainy day always brings a smile to my face.   It gives me permission to stay home.  While the women's movement was timely and necessary, our society has definitely moved backwards in certain areas in our zeal to bring women into greater equality.  We have lost much of our respect and reverence for the art of home keeping.

Sarah Ban Breathnach writes in "Romancing the Ordinary";

A Victorian woman's home was her eminent domain, and she ruled over it with as much confidence as Queen Victoria ruled the world.  No amount of time, money, emotion or creative and physical energy expended to make one's home the center of the universe was considered frivolous or extravagant.  Women approached the domestic arts - cleaning, cooking, decorating, gardening, handcrafts, and entertaining - not as burdens but as a form of personal expression and deep sources of pleasure.

A friend once flippantly told me "I have better things to do with my time than clean the house."  While I admit getting caught in this same dynamic more than I like, a rainy day always gives me the unneeded  excuse to stay at home, putting my house and my inner life in order.  While I appreciate the many choices I have as a woman of the 21st century, I enjoy the opportunity to stay at home when our family schedule permits.   A rainy Saturday afternoon is always an unexpected gift to savor.

Back to School

This was Tori's first day of school in kindergarten, 12 years ago.  She looks a little apprehensive but oh so cute.  Yesterday was the first day of her senior year in high school.  Where has the time gone?  While Tori will be busy and actively counting down the days to graduation, I will do my best to slow down the clock and savor every moment of this last year with my youngest child.  Even if she moves home after college, things will be different, the dynamics will have shifted.   My job will be down sized and out sourced, just as it should be.  There will be lots of new adventures and adjustments for both of us.  I pray for the Grace to let go with love and confidence into the blessings of our futures.

 Your children are not your children.

They are the sons and daughters of Life's longing for itself.

They come through you but not from you,

And though they are with you

yet they belong not to you.

You may give them your love but not your thoughts,

For they have their own thoughts.

You may house their bodies but not their souls,

For their souls dwell in the house of tomorrow,

which you cannot visit, not even in your dreams.

You may strive to be like them, but seek

not to make them like you.

For life goes not backward nor tarries with yesterday.

Kahlil Gibran

SoulCollage® Blog Party!

 

 

Today is a SoulCollage® blog party given by Kathryn Antyr at True North Arts.  How much fun is that?  The object is to post some of our SoulCollage® cards and then visit each other's blogs to share our journey and our insights.  And it just so happened that I had scheduled a SoulCollage® workshop today that was canceled.  So here I am, with the cards I drew today, sharing with all of you.

The first card is my Death card.  And very funny indeed it was the first card up this morning.  My children are flying the coop faster than I can manage.  This is the beginning of the second week of my two week "retreat" from motherhood and wifedom.   Death is a necessary part of life, literally and symbolically.  I am "dying" to my role as mother and a new me will be re-birthed.  The relationship I have with my husband will also need pruning as we begin to re-form our lives together.  That is at once, exciting to me and very scary.  Maybe we will have nothing in common when the children are gone.  It is indeed a possibility......

My two youngest, 17 and 21 are with their father in LA for a traditional business trip.  Each summer Steve would take each child on a business trip by themselves.  The kids loved going to meetings with their dad and the rest of the time was filled with lots of memory making adventures.  This is the first time I have been alone when these "bizness trips" as the kids used to call the when they were little, occur.  As much as I looked forward to this time alone with no responsibilities and nothing to do but what I wanted to do, the first few days were a bit rocky.  I felt at odds with myself and wandered aimlessly around my home, feeling out of sorts with no creative project calling my attention for more than a moment or two.  The more I sat with the feelings and moved into the resistance, the more I realized how hurt I felt and unneeded and unwanted.  This is just the beginning I know.  Victoria is a senior in high school and Stevie is a senior in college.  The year will be full of endings.   And of course, beginnings......Thank you Seena for my SoulCollage® practice to help me navigate and plum these deep wells inside of my psyche.  To make sense of the story of my life as I move 0n to new places in the outer world as well as my inner world.

The next card up is my Inner Critic.  Or should I say one of my inner critics.  This card comes up to keep me on my toes physically as well as mentally.  It seems this part of my committee is never quite satisfied with my weight or my looks and especially the comfort foods and clothes I have been drawn to on this sabbatical.  I normally work out two hours a day but have taken these two weeks off to savor the mornings and the birdsong with a cup of tea and an open schedule.  Of course these ladies are still hard at work pushing, pushing, pushing me to do more and be more.  This week I have been politely taking their suggestions and then staying glued to my chair with one more cup of tea and a croissant.  Funny they should appear this morning, isn't it?

The last card is one of my favorites.  Into the Mystery is ripe with possibilities and adventures.  As I practice letting go of my children and my primary role as a hands on mother, I am also excited about the possibilities the future has in store.  Will our radio show become a favorite activity and creative outlet?  Will I do more workshops?  Write?  Will my jewelry take off in a larger way?  And how about my dreams of travel and Italy?  This card always quickens my heart when I see it, reminding me to stay centered in the present so I have no regrets as the future unfolds, slowly and steadily, one step at a time.

Happy SoulCollage®!

Little Altars Everywhere Part 3

 

 

 

 
On the radio show I am doing with my friend Jill Angelo, we have been talking about altars in our offices.  These are a few of the ones you would find if you walked into my office/studio space.  The first photo is the corner of my desk.  The old Buddha sits patiently  beside Italian leather books.  Patiently waiting for me to open the antique Chinese glass case and lift my pen.  Patienly holding space for my thoughts just in case I may be moved to commit them to paper.  A constant companion reminding me to stay centered in the present moment, however I choose to spend it.

The next photo is the shelf above my computer.  This spot has changed recently as the "project" board from Knossos has moved to make space for the art work of my children.  The rest of the shelf remains the same.  Inspirational books and authors, spiritual artwork and candles.  And a small giraffe to remind me of our trip to San Diego last spring.

The last two photos show my altars in a more traditional sense.  I have collected meaningful objects over the years to inspire me and remind me of my journey in the physical world as well as in the spirit and emotional realms.  The objects and symbols have changed over the years.  Some have moved on as new pieces have been added.  Each piece is precious and meaningful to me.  There is a snake to symbolize wisdom and transformation, a nautilus sea shell to symbolize the Divine proportion in all of creation, an olive from the Temple of Athena Pronaia at Delphi, and a witch ball to entangle any "negative" energy or spirits that may be hovering about.

These spaces of Grace are always there to remind me of my vision, my journey and my home.  They comfort me and support me in ways too numerous to put into words.  I cannot envision my home or my life without the rituals I have shared.  Their depth and richness has enriched and enchanted my home and my life one hundred fold.                         

Little Altars Everywhere Part 2

My living room is in the "Travel and Helpful People" bagua of my home.  This little vignette is a constant reminder of my love of travel and history.  And of course Italy.  In fact, anything and everything Italian.  If you look closely you can see the tell a-tale signs of my dog Rockne's puppy years.  He loved to gnaw on this wooden corbel.  The angel and the female bust were safe.  They are made of stone.

This family "altar" is located in the "Creativity and Children" section of my home.  I must admit, these portraits began their 20 year sojourn on this wall long before I read my first book on Feng Shui.  Isn't it interesting that it worked out like this?  In ancient times women knew the power of creating a home with immense love and intention.  As we have left our homes for the workplace, we have forgotten the magic inherent in our feminine and primordial nature.  The creative magic we possess deep within our very beings.  The creative magic we can call upon on a moments notice to help us stay present in our lives as we consciously weave the intricate fabric of reverence into our homes and families.  Our lives can be led with chaos or with reverence.  It is our choice.  As I mentioned on the radio show "Creating a Space of Grace" with  Jill Angelo yesterday, here is one of my favorite quotes.

The small things in everday life are no less sacred

than the great issues of human existence.

~Thomas Moore

Little Altars Eveywhere

 

Some of my long time readers may have seen these photos before but they are here today to announce one of my most exciting new adventures.  I am doing a radio show with my good friend Jill Angelo on Unityfm.  The show is entitled "Creating Your Space of Grace" and it is a concept that is dear to my heart as well as Jill's.  Our fourth show will be live on Tuesday, July 13th at 10:00am Chicago time and can be listened to in the archives any time after 7:00pm (Chicago time) that evening.

Jill is an interior designer who uses many spiritual traditions in her work of creating sacred spaces for her clients.  I am not a designer but for many, many years have used these same spiritual principles in creating and caring for my own home.  When we met, we instantly clicked and the rest is history.  Our show on Tuesday will be focused on the altars we have in our homes, some intentionally but most instinctively and on the most part, unconsciously.  It's in our genes.  Altars can be traced back as far as 75,000 years to the Neanderthal people of the Alps and their reverence and celebration of the ancient bear.  Today our subconscious altars range from a lovely dining room tablescape to the seemingly disparate arrangement of trinkets and photos, concert ticket stubs and stuffed animals gracing the average teenager's room.

While we are sometimes unknowingly drawn to create sacred spaces to connect us with the mystery of the unseen world and celebrate our union with the Divine, an intentionally created altar brings much more deliberate power and attention to this mystical and timeless spiritual practice.  Over the next few days I will be posting all sorts of altars found around my home by the various members of my family and a little bit of the story of the altar's origin and history.

And please join Jill and me on Tuesday for our radio show.  You can call in and ask questions or share your own stories of the sacred spaces you have created in your own environments.  We would love to hear from you!  You can find us at unity.fm,  Creating a Space of Grace with Jill Angelo.

Hold the Botox, Please!

 

I have found myself noticing lots of woman lately.  Mostly woman of a certain age.  Woman who have a depth and vitality about themselves that their younger sisters cannot duplicate.  Woman who radiate this light of self love and self acceptance so brightly, everyone around them is drawn in like a moth to a flame.  And the most striking common characteristic I find is that these women have not succumbed to society’s insatiable appetite for anything and everything “young”.  These women have not felt the need to inject or alter their faces to “appear” younger and yet these women would leave their frozen and plastic counterparts in the proverbial dust in any true beauty pageant. 

 

What ever happened to aging gracefully?  Everywhere I look I see ads for Botox and implants, injections and surgeries.  The television is filled with young and beautiful woman but have you noticed they are becoming a bit plastic looking?  Have you noticed?  Their features seem to all blend together and it is hard to tell one woman from the other.  They all look alike, just like giant Barbie dolls.  I was at a department store last weekend.  The young woman waiting on me at the cosmetic counter was 26 years old.  26 years old and she nonchalantly informed me she "had" to do botox because the lines in her forehead were just too awful. 

 

What are we teaching our young women?  If we run to every new anti-aging gimmick that appears, what are we saying about ourselves?  We can blame the media and we can blame the doctors and drug companies.  And while I myself like to blame the drug companies for much of our woes as a society, we are the ones that must stop and look at ourselves with brutal honesty.  What are we afraid of?  As for me, it is very hard to let go of the "image" in my head.  That image of me in my younger days.  The image of the beautiful young woman, the "babe”.

 

But whether I like it or not, the "babe" years are gone.  No matter how much I inject and pull, tug and shrink, I will never be a "babe" again.  AND this is how it should be.  Now I can be the complete woman I was always meant to be.  I can be attractive and sensual in a new and more powerful way because I am no longer the "babe".  I have learned to accept my faults as well as my gifts.  I am learning to show the same compassion and love I shower on my family and friends to myself.  I am learning to truly love myself in my complete authenticity, warts and wrinkles included.

 

Every stage of our lives are filled with wonder and beauty.  The clarity and confidence of women who have reached a certain age, is a breathtaking aphrodisiac also.  A woman who is fully owning her years and her wrinkles as well as her wisdom and humor.  A woman who is unapologetic for gray hair and laugh lines.  A woman who carries herself with elegance and dignity.  A woman who is confident of herself and proud of her choices.  That's the sensuous woman I want to be and most importantly, the woman I want to model for my girls. 

 

I will always care about my appearance and I will continue to wrestle with the little voice in my head that urges me to be better, dress nicer, loose more weight.  It is one of my many inner voices that I have finally made friends with.  The shadow side may be terribly critical but she only wants me to be my very best.  She only wants me to be loved and cherished.  The catch is, I must love and cherish myself before I can expect it from anyone else.  Together, we will continue down this path to wholeness one day at a time.   Hold the Botox, please!

 

And thank you to More magazine for printing wonderful articles such as the interview with the luminous Paulina Porizkova in the April issue.  With more role models like Paulina and More, we women will continue to be empowered to make our own choices while embracing our wisdom years with grace and authenticity.

 

An Easter Prayer

May the Light of the Christ

caress the dark and shriveled

shadows of our hearts, our minds and our souls

as He transforms our wounds

into brilliant gifts with His gentle

and penetrating touch of Divine Grace.

May His Holy Love

fill our weary spirits with renewed vigor and courage.

May the compassion of our Holy Mother

comfort us in our despair

and bring us to Divine Reunion and Eternal Peace.

Amen.

Making Amends

I am adding a few more photos to my post from yesterday.   I had promised a blogging friend months ago to send these photos of one of my altars and the drawers my husband designed for my studio.  I have been negligent and I am sorry.  If I have over looked any other questions, please feel free to bring them to my attention.  I know I have had a few inquiries on where I do my SoulCollage workshops.  They are in the Chicago area.  I never remember to post them in the appropriate section on this blog.  I am in the midst of planning a weekly give away of some of my jewelry pieces.  Please stay tuned!

There is usually a plant in the pot under the table in the second photo.  I recently killed my Boston Fern and have not replaced it with the next victim as yet.  I will have ironed out the plans for my give aways in the next day or two.  I was planning a show but I think that may have to wait until spring with our football schedule.  A give away sounded like the perfect way to move some energy........more details to follow!